Friday, 27 July 2012

Street/Sexual Harassment - what makes men think women like being harrassed?

I am a person and if I see a man on the street, I see another stranger whose mind frequencies I can so pick up like pictures on TV.
So when a man sees me, I'm suddenly an object to holler at and harass.

There's no respect, no...
Just "Hi sexy", or "Hi baby", "ohhhh yeaaahhh look what we have here", whistling, making kissing sounds, asking me where I'm going or where I live, and some try so hard to make it look innocent by pretending to ask for directions.

What makes them think that it's okay? It's not me that they're after. They only want my parts.

This happens to me all the time and I don't know what to do or who to talk to. It just feels like nobody cares how much this bothers me. I can't go out for a quick 20-minute dash to the grocery store to grab something without being stopped, followed, talked to or hollered at.

Three things makes me sick:

1. This happens to at least 80% of all woman (yes, that includes your mothers, your sisters, your wives, your girlfriends, your friends, your colleagues, your cousins, etc).
Don't even try to ignore that fact. When a woman comes up to you telling you this, it's a serious issue that needs to be addressed. Don't just shrug it off!

2. Men put the blame on women claiming that what she wears is asking for trouble.
Oh, really. What is this, another one of those crap ideas some men indoctrinate their kind with?
As a matter of fact, I used to wear a scarf when I was younger which means I was covered from head to toe, and I got harassed and flashed at anyway, so don't fucking tell me that what I wear plays a fucking role. It doesn't matter what a woman's wearing because she's going to be harassed anyway.

3. People telling me to "just accept it, it's a compliment" are idiots and should be skinned alive.
There is no compliment in a random "Hey sexy... ohhh I wish I could touch you... I know you want it", or in a random moment when a guy stops his bike or his car just so he can harass me.
No woman is supposed to believe that being followed is a blessing.
No woman is supposed to believe that street and sexual harassment are compliments! What the fuck.

The thing is: does anyone.... ANYONE.... tell a woman what to do about it?
No. People just say: Oh, just get used to it.

Shouldn't women feel safe just trying to get her errands run? Going to school, going to work, buying lunch, going shopping, having coffee at the café, taking the public transport, ?
Society - this fucked-up society run by men - just accepts it.

In my honest opinion, these shameless, disgusting acts are not of this world.

I went to the grocery today in t-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops. The only way to the grocery is to walk along a busy main road, where I either get stares from male drivers, honks or of course shoutings. All the time. Everytime I walk this path alone I sense a level of insecurity that is unbelievably intense but I hold my head high, make eye contact with everyone I see, and keep my back straight.

And then out of nowhere this man yelled out of his van, "Hello!! Hello, missy!! Heyyyy! Where are you going, babe? Are you going shopping? Need some help, sweety? Hey, talk to me!"
He was so loud that everyone looked at him and then looked at me. The people passing me by and the people in their cars heard everything and they didn't care even though they clearly knew that he was harassing me. They were thinking it as I was looking back at them but they all ended up looking down or looking away or just pretending that they didn't know what's going on. Unbelievable.

That was seriously embarassing and I had never experienced this sort of harassment to the point that the man doesn't even care if everyone's looking. Why didn't he? Because he knows that no one's gonna say or do anything anyway so he's gonna get away with it.

I stopped and stared at him. Hard. I didn't say a word because it's going to make it worse anyway. He was on the other side of the road.
What a balding, ugly piece of shit. His van stopped at the traffic light, it was red and he was still asking stupid questions and people were still staring and then it turned green but he was still too distracted until the car behind him honked. He jolted and drove away and I made fucking sure that he wasn't following me.

At school:
Constructions began to improve the area and its surroundings. A new shopping area was to be built. And with every construction site comes a bunch of sexually harassing construction workers.
I spent my last weeks of school worrying about going there because I literally have to walk into their nest every morning to get to the building's entrance.
Oh how they hollered at me every morning and afternoon, five times a week.
Honking their tractors, whistling, shouting "good morning" at the top of their lungs.
I had ignored them, because against 10 or so, I better not think I can pull that off.

All these psychologically terrorising behaviours... this desperate need of power, opression, control.... it's not of this world. It makes me question, why are men even here? Why the Y-chromosome? What were evolution and nature even thinking? Is this what we need to survive?

At the shoestore:
I only needed a pair of shoes... that was all I wanted. But no peace. I had to also notice a guy who followed me into the store and was staring at me the whole time. Then he suddenly appeared behind me as if breathing down my neck and asking me, "Hi sexy, do you like those shoes? They'd look good on you. What's your name?"
I said, "What makes you think I'm going to tell me your name? Leave me alone in three seconds or I swear I will scream. Three, two..."
And he was gone. But he didn't leave without saying, "Alright, you're ugly anyway."
Oh yeah? Three seconds ago I thought I was something else.

What happens when I ignore these men?
They persist.

What happens when I give them a warning stare?
They grin like perverts and ask me stupid questions.

What happens when I walk away?
They follow, either on foot or by car.

What happens when I say something to defend myself or point out that they're being disgusting?
They insult the shit out of me (because I apparently destroyed their ego so they attempt to destroy mine to reboost theirs, get it? Male shit.)

I feel like the reason I am still here is because I'm lucky... lucky enough not to be raped or kidnapped or whatever. But I don't want to rely on luck and I definitely do not want to feel insecure when I go out in broad daylight just to get some milk from the damn grocery store.

Men are everywhere but gentlemen are rare. The ones who have learned to respect their mothers, their sisters, and women in general. The one who would stand up and speak up when they see a woman being harassed. The one who would be concerned about it, talk to us about it and let us in on ways we could protect and defend ourselves.
It would be nice but that's just the talking.
I won't rely on these coz in the end I have to use common sense and a lot of instinct to protect myself.

Honestly I don't know what would be good solutions in dealing with the situation. So far I've found ignoring them to be the best way.... but if you have any suggestions, let me know. It might just save a life.


  1. Thank you for noting that there are gentlemen in this world, no matter how rare. At least now I don't feel too insulted.

    It sounds like men in Germany are mostly perverts. Either that or they get horny when they see an Asian girl. It's weird, I'll admit.

    The only thing I can think of for you to do is go out looking totally different. Put on a cap and hide your hair. Wear something weird, like mismatched clothes, or old outfits that don't look so nice anymore. Anything to throw them off.

    However, if you truly feel unsafe, then carry a weapon and flash it if any of them get too close. Or take another route to your destination. Or get a friend to accompany you. Good luck, Ira. Be safe.

  2. Thanks, Aaron.

    I don't mean to offend anyone, it's just an occurence, so usual, often and 'accepted' that anyone would think: what's wrong with these guys? Is that all about being male? Wouldn't it make anyone question?

    I don't only get this in Germany, I get this everywhere I go including Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia. So I wouldn't just pinpoint and say okay, German guys are perverts.

    And to look 'not so nice' is useless because, as I mentioned, I was once covered but what advantage did that do? Nothing. I can look as ugly as hell, or casual, leaving my contacts at home and wearing my glasses, a pair of normal worn out jeans, sweaters or sweat pants and they're not going to stop.
    Like I said, it's not about what a woman wears.
    It's about men who do not know when to stop, who do not know how to control themselves, who do not know their limits.

    They never learn and that's what appals me, and it's such a shame.

    Michael has suggested that I learn self-defence. I have a bad feeling that one day I'd really have to defend myself. No matter how I look like.