14 December 2014

Tired

Source: Rebloggy.com

I'm rethinking my decision for becoming a pre-school teacher. I'm rethinking my decision in everything in the past year or so. Ever since I moved to Hildesheim everything's been going downhill for me. Mostly inside. I don't know if I would ever be able to come back to the point of recovery. I've pretty much lost any interest whatsoever which I used to have. Lost the part of me that was my sanctuary where I regain my strength to be who I am and grow.
I never felt 'at home' here in this city. I sense that I don't belong here even if I am already here and going about my routines. It hasn't grown on me at all - something I will no longer except after more than a year. Being here has only been about being put under pressure, being snapped at by complete strangers, losing sleep, being all nauseated, never-ending stress, giving up, procrastination, crying, fighting with myself and my surroundings, cursing at the fact that I've woken up to do it all again.

Being here is really just about enduring. I don't know how much longer I can take all that on a daily basis. I even ask myself why do I even hang on for so long.

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