13 November 2014

Burden

How many times have I been told by my parents, that when I screw something up, I create problems in someone else's life? Therefore I should be ashamed of myself.
Or should I?

So once again at a point in my life I come to this. And I hear those voices which I could once tell apart from mine. But these eventually became the voices inside of me. If they were a manifest they would be ripping my flesh apart right now like claws on canvas.

Should I be ashamed of myself? And should I become that victim every one of us tend to play when something I did or caused or influenced in any way ruined another person's being?

How often have I been sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself for all the mistakes I've done yet never really recovered? I still realize that I cannot afford to think that way anymore but to persevere is to face that, which is who I am. And who I am is someone who makes mistakes, just like you. And I cannot sentence myself to shame for the mistakes I make because I would'nt sentence anyone else to shame and self-mockery for screwing something up.

At this moment I can face this and I take this beating. This too will be over and before I know it I'll be fine again. But somewhere I'm still stuck with a heavy burden. I question even the greatest things I have achieved and the greatest decisions I have ever made. Was it all just a huge mistake?

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