31 August 2012

Deciding how to deal

Making a choice

Is this a conversation with myself?

I've received encouragement from friends and I've been forgiven by another after waiting, worrying and being concerned for over a week wondering if I will ever be delivered from this. I was, but still, I think I've lost a friend.

Everytime people become my acquaintances, then become my friends, I panic.
In one way or the other, I end up hurting them or they end up hurting me. Somehow. Just somehow.

I've been walking this 'path' for awhile now and I finally came to a point where, for a moment, a load on my chest just disappeared. And I see myself having to once again decide.

This morning I thought, hey, maybe I will watch another horror movie today. I looked into our collection and I saw one (I don't even want to name it) and decided to read about it online before watching it; what people think, how the reviews are, etc.

And then I found out the typical stuff about horror movies (that are not asian): full blown scenes of naked women. This movie is full of it. Well this stuff is everywhere, really.
Okay. So that was it. More garbage I don't need to put myself through.
But it still annoys me that such movies lie around and exist in the same space as me.

So where do I go from here?

If you were me, which way would you choose?

Left: Should I flip out about an aspect in this male-dominated society, which has the potential to break relationships and marriages? Should I just ignore it and hope that times will change? Nobody cares.

Right: Or, on the other better hand, shall I bask in the ambience of my friends (who I won't know if they will always be my friends) - their encouragement, appreciation, forgiveness - all which offer a little peace of mind that I've been needing so badly?

See, the fact that I have to even question is silly. I won't do stuff that make me sick.

Of course I shall walk along the road that says, be forgiven and encouraged.
That urge for a horror movie this morning was weak and insignificant. What my friends did for me today was meant to make everything good again.

Of course.



  1. I am really not going to promote it, Aaron. Sorry.

  2. Does poking you count as hurting you?

  3. @yelly: Depends on how you define 'hurting'.