17 May 2012

When nothing works without women

School organised a football match right after class and it was pretty much chaos in the beginning with last minute planning. I was just a bystander among the others watching them try to get everything in order - who's got cars, who's going to drive 20-25 people so we could get there, who gets to ride with who, and who gets pulled along against their will.
It's amazing.

When they finally got everything under control, some of us still had to wait, including me. I stood in the hallway with my stuff and waited. And then I got hungry so I bought myself some snacks from the vending machine that got emptied out a few days ago because whoever that was supposed to lock it didn't lock it.

Anyway, we all met up at the football field... well, it wasn't really a field. It was just a small boxed-up area in a field with two goal posts. We weren't such a big group anyway.

Some of us played and some of us watched. I watched, but also counted the minutes until I could actually go home. But being home wasn't immediately the best thing ever. I know this feeling of being unable to accept where you are. And no matter where you go, you always want to 'get out of there'... but where else do you go to when you're already home and can't accept being there?

I hated this feeling.

I felt like even after coming home I couldn't sit down and rest. The many things on my to-do-list make so anxious about screwing everything up and being blamed for it.
No rest.
Housework - one thing after the other. This was what my elders raised me into - to prepare for endless chores, to wake up before sunrise, to be a working, moving, undying machine.
Well I cannot.

And this damned sofa...

I sat on it, talked to Michael and cried. Again.
I said why can't I just come home and do nothing? I keep thinking about what to do next. About having enough fresh towels to use, fresh clothes to wear, and about the washing and the cleaning and the hanging and the ironing and the folding.
I have the impression that nothing works in this house without me. And that doesn't help one bit.

Sure, Michael helps too and I'm mega thankful for it each time he does. And I show him too how this and that is being done and he learns. But I also wonder, this is going to take some *real* getting used to. It won't be easy for me, it won't be easy for him.
He was never raised into all this stuff. His mum never showed him how this and that should be done - instead she did everything.

Why do most women just live with this and let future women suffer for it?
Boys shouldn't be raised to think that it's okay to be couch potatoes, to play video games until death do them part, to check out hot chicks, to leave things lying around or to expect everything to drop on their laps or be served on a silver platter!

Women, please also raise your sons with the proper home economics your mothers taught you. There is no shame or problem in that. No man is going to be 'gay' all because he knows how to take care of a household as well as a woman can. He'd be desirable to a great, great, great extent.

This drives me crazy. My parents (and their parents) are into this idea that the woman does it better so she has to keep doing it. But what kind of a dumbass assumption is that? There's a reason why most men can't handle it: it's because they were never taught in the first place. (Who's fault is that again? I hear the voices in my head ask)
And most women like me aren't even asking for too much. We're just asking for a little bit of help. A little support at home. Sharing. Teamwork.

See, I'm not that kind of woman and I hate putting myself into this hyper-motherly role.
Don't my needs need fullfillment too?
It's not like I sit all day at home or anything. I'm busy. I want to live and not work and then do chores the whole day until it's suddenly 10pm and I have to go to bed only to wake up to do the same shit the next day... without having the chance to do what *I* want to do.

I won't be able to sleep again tonight and if I do I'll either have nightmares and wake up with a headache. And I'm supposed to wonder why I get infected by weird illnesses once and awhile... if this keeps going on, my body will give in.


  1. High five sister! Totally get what you mean. Not really the issue of gender equality, but more of teamwork and getting things done together.

  2. Well, Ira, now you know how hard it's been for your mum. I have a mum too, and sure, she doesn't hesitate to tell me how hard it is for her and how I supposedly take her for granted and I would probably be helpless if she were gone someday.

    Thing is, no matter how hard other family members pitch in to help, it'll always be tough for you. Unless you have a maid, this is the way it will always be. There's always too much to do. You're gonna have to do your best to get used to it.

    On another note, here's my review for Tim Burton's Dark Shadows :http://familiarfantasy.blogspot.com/2012/05/dark-shadows.html

  3. @Shida: it's one of those things that's being ignored by society. And women and mothers juuuust accept it...

    @Aaron: when everyone in the household helps, it *will* be much easier. But who helps everyday other day? That's the question.
    No woman or mum has to get used to this, my friend. This attitude is being talked into every other woman out there - just the same things my elders tell me.
    And it's like disease.
    If you live under the same roof, you do your part because you're part of the whole system. Not a parasite. It's unfortunately a cycle that hasn't been broken.

  4. I'm not implying that we men are not supposed to do anything around the house while you women do it all. For the record, I help my mum lift things too heavy for her, do the dishes, clean my own room and iron my own clothes.

    I am trying to stress that when it comes to housework, it's never done. There will always be a lot to do, and someone will always complain.

    I think you're lucky to have Michael, who's willing to give you a hand, because there are men out there who won't do a damn thing. Sure, he's gonna have to get used to it, but if he genuinely cares about you (and I'm sure he does), he'll be very helpful as time goes by.

    Just be aware that if you complain to each other, it doesn't have to end badly or go beyond being petty. That's all I'm saying.