27 February 2012

Turning point





For the first time in 7 months, I could see what surrounds me when I make my way - 20 minutes on foot - to the bus terminal at 6 in the morning. I'm starting to feel nervous waking up because the sky's slowly turning from black to dark blue to bright, bright blue.
Days are getting longer.
Nights shorter.
Like a new world or something.
*sigh*

I've been thinking a lot these past couple of days.
Or rather listening to crazy stuff going through my head to the point that I'm just listening and not responding. Which also means I didn't (couldn't) talk much.

I actually feel pretty rotten, but I'm going to lie and say that everything's all good.

Fantastic.

It's bed time though I'm not tired.
Excitement and disappointment - pulling over me until I lost a little control today.
My colleague witnessed how I raised my voice at a poor kid coz she started hysterically flipping out over her fingers getting 'lost' in her goddamned gloves.
I mean, this kid cries, like, all the time.
She can't get her foot into her shoe and she cries.
She can't get something out from a shelf coz it's stuck, so she cries.
She spreads too much butter on her bun, so she cries.
So much frustration in such a small body.
Unbelievable.
Now I know that my colleague probably thinks I'm a psycho.

Well I snapped out of it in a split second - soon enough.
Calmed down and decided to just communicate with the being suppressed and controlled by the frustration (instead of with the frustration).

Colleague drove me home today and I asked her to drop me off down town. Took a little walk. My head was spinning, I was drowsy and all nauseated. The cold rain helped for awhile.
Happens when I get way too stressed up. Like in the past few days leading up to today. Today was probably the orgasm of the whole phase.

Then I got home and received a "fun" piece of paper with some bunnies on it that made me smile.

3 comments:

  1. Maybe that kid has some sort of disorder. Who knows. It's all right to be frustrated sometimes. Kids are difficult.

    Love that Foster The People song.

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  2. oh no. you're going on a rampage

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  3. @Aaron: Maybe. I might just find out.
    And yes. I dream about this song.

    @yelly: Keep runningggg...

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