07 January 2012

Thankful for all this

I tried doing push-ups in the middle of the night --- agonizing. My first attempt. Pathetically.

It's good that I took the week off.
Saturday afternoon and I'm writing in a good mood. :)

The Leukocytoclastic Vasculitis  is completely gone. My vessels aren't exploding under my skin anymore. Wow. What a good feeling. My leg muscles however, still feel rather week. The skin at my legs have healed but not completely. It suffered too much and even though it's doing so much better now than it was two weeks ago, I see scars that will take much, much longer to heal.

I can't describe how thankful I am to be able to walk again.
I'm serious.
Never thought that I would experience what it feels like not to be able to stand on my own and not being able to take even one step without so much pain that I cried. I remember what that was like! How everything under my skin, in the muscles and in the joints were damaged, bleeding.... bruised.

Now I wake up every morning, pull my blanket aside, look at my legs - my healed legs, and I move them, stretch and bend them, wiggle my toes, run my fingers over my skin knowing that I feel my touch.
No pain.
I feel grateful when I sit up by the bed with my legs hanging over the edge.
I feel grateful when I stand and my legs take the weight.
I feel so grateful when I take the first few steps out of my bedroom.
And my legs carry me.

Are you thankful for yours too?
I can only describe what it was like for me, to temporarily lose function of my legs.... I hope to God that you are.

I'm going back to work on Monday. And back to school too. I've missed 4 days and I'm curious how much stuff I have to catch up with now (which I can and will in no time).
I miss the kids, and being away doing my thing, and being productive.

I'm planning a little surprise goody-pack for my sister's birthday.
Planning fondue for dinner on Michael's birthday.
Rewarding myself soon with a new book from John Ajvide Lindqvist.
And listening to Marlon Roudette... the first time I heard him sing "...are you loving the pain?" I thought, oh yeah... it's something I'm pretty much used to now... physically and emotionally sometimes. His sound is new... like Massive Attack meets Coldplay and the sound of Jamaica. Hehe. How interesting!
Right now I'm here, listening to previews from his album: Link

I'm doing fine.
I hope it stays that way.


  1. It's natural that we appreciate something so basic after spending all our lives taking them for granted, and then losing them even for a while.

  2. I believe we should always be thankful for anything like this. I'm sorry you had to go through that shit, but it's beautiful to read you take such a good message out of it. Chapeau.

  3. True... you don't miss something until it's gone.