11 January 2012

I want to hit something and hit it hard

3 days into my daily routine and I feel fine. The first two days, I had a little pain in my legs. Muscles complaining again. I noticed some more bleeding on my thighs and swelling around my ankles - a sign that the vasculitis (still pretty much) lingers.
Although this is nothing compared to the major bleeding I had two weeks ago, it still bothers me. I hate the sight of it. I hate feeling it. But I'll live.

Today's my first day again in school, after 3 weeks, and I already had a test in Biology. Tomorrow I'll be doing two more tests in German and Math. Wha?? I have to write an essay for German about "Jugendkriminalität" (Youth criminals). I have to come up with arguments and such.
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

After school I went to the deparment store and bought almost everything I needed for Michael's Birthday Fondue tomorrow. The way home was a little agonising with my hands full. I bought meat from a store with a seller who barely spoke German. Why? I don't know. It reminded me of that one time I wanted to buy Bubble Tea in Singapore and the lady spoke no word of English - making one of my eyes twitch involuntarily.

I made it home and ripped my winter stuff and cardigan off because I was insanely sweating underneath despite the cold.
And then....
I remembered....

When I was surfing on Michael's PC last night, it caught a virus.
More specifically a Rogue.
A fake software that looks exactly like the Windows Security Center. It tried to convince me that the PC's fat full of viruses and demands that I 'register' the software in order to start a 'full system scan' to get rid of it all.
I may be a woman.
But I am lightyears away from being a technophobe and I'm not an idiot.

The Rogue even blocked me from starting normal, simple programs like Notepad, saying that it's infected.
Bullshit, or what?
Despite its demands to get me to register (it occured to me that if you do that then it'll really install something that will entirely anihilate your computer), I didn't do that.
It also occured to me that Michael's computer has no means of protection whatsoever.
Great. Why didn't I notice that?
Okay, maybe in that case I was an idiot. And he said he hates technology.
Well I'm tired.... tired of always feeling like shit happens because of me. Because I was the one surfing. Because I was the one who this and that blah blah blah.

But now that I know what to do, I installed the same anti-virus on his PC, which I also have on my -very protected- laptop, and ran a full scan.
It's still running now in fact and it's been 3 hours.
But sure... 3 hours, 3 days... if that's what it takes to nuke this shit, I can WAIT.

I was going crazy myself over this... needed to hit something, needed to make sudden violent movements to release this negative energy building up in me. I thought about sending the PC out the window. And I threatened to beat the printer with a broom for not printing these important notes I need for my test tomorrow. (It printed afterwards. But hesitantly.)
But no. I may feel all sorts of mixed emotions, but I also KNOW how to solve problems.
So alright... I'm at it.
I'm sacrificing learning time for this shit.
Why? Argh.

I wish I could just say: "Ugh. I hate this stuff. Whatever." and walk away.
But nooooo ohh... coz then I'm bad Ira, irresponsible Ira, clueless Ira.

PC will be done scanning by midnight... at least. I hope.
Then I can gracefully fail tomorrow.
It doesn't matter.
I mean.... who cares about how I feel anyway... pfft.


  1. Except for the vasculitis part, I've been in your shoes before. Totally understand.

  2. Did you pass or did you fail?