16 October 2011


Up at 6am this Sunday morning, I cleared up the battle zone in my kitchen and made myself a cup of hot chocolate. I turned the heater on, sat at the dining table under a dim light and let the cup warm my hands. I was thinking about what I'm going to do in the next two weeks.

If it's anything I wouldn't ever expect, is to live on my own for a time. And here I am.
That's not such a bad thing when I can manage. And I've been in this situation many times before. I've got lots of things going through my head, and most of all the time to just be by myself. But then again, it kinda sucks to be the one who has to stay.

For a change I'd love to someday be the one who has to go.

I thought that I wouldn't want to go through this period totally away from the internet. After all I've lived long enough with only one-day-a-week of it. I'd want to blog a little more about my art. Or do crazy things with (or to) myself. But then I realize, hey, I don't have to totally rely on it. We'll just see.

And I'm not a TV-person, I don't really like loud, psychadelic things, so I don't really watch TV either. I kind of... hate it.
A bit.

Anyway, I sound like I have so much time but I really don't. It's a pretty weird year coz I have to juggle more than a couple of things at a time. And then... like.... I forget to eat.... or I want to do something else more than eat.
Weird things like that.

Another weird thing is... I'm in this intense mood to spend.
Hmm... who wants to go shopping with me? :(

I forgot to write back to my cousin who was planning to come visit me this month. I feel kind of guilty, because I told him that I would let him know, coz a couple of months back I didn't know whether I was going to be in Goslar or Göttingen this month. That makes a hell of a difference. But I fucking forgot. That's so.. argh..
He could've been here now. With me. And I could've sheltered him in my tiny, cosy apartment.

Anyway, the weather's been nice and cool (cold, rather). Especially in the mornings, when I have to wait for the bus with breathing steam out of my face.
It's melancholic and I love it. It stays dark longer and the air smells of ice and firewood. And the silence is perfect.

I'm gonna go back to whatever I was doing.

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