Things to do when your boyfriend/husband ignores you

First of all, I mean this well.
For some reason I just don't feel like flipping out tonight, which is why I would love to take the opportunity to come up with a bunch of things that you can do when your boyfriend, husband or partner ignores you.

This is especially hard for us women because of these things we tend to do:

• believe that our happiness and satisfaction depend on the guy
• think that we have to do everything together with the guy
• always want to be around the guy (or at least most of the time)
  
• feel threatened by the slightest signs of abandonment, such as:
  - every hour he spends away from you doing whatever it is he does
• and last but not least: fall apart when all attempts to get attention fail
  

My advice: STOP.
Take a step back.
And pull yourself away from such tendencies.
They are NOT you.

In fact, they are the voices inside you, making you suffer.

Before we get to the list of things I would do in order to deal with a man who seems to be tired of you, I'd like to first clarify that I will not suggest ways on how to 'make him' do this or not do that. And I will certainly suggest not one way of how to 'get back' at him or 'manipulate' him in all the strange ways that I have read online. Whether man or not, no one will like it.

Another thing I'd like to mention, is that, men need attention too. Strangely just as much as women do. When I was young, my mum told me: Men are like children, they crave attention. And she knew what she was talking about. So unlike most articles out there, I won't claim that men are insensitive creatures. The thing is, when they do get enough attention, they instantly feel satisfied. They sit back, kick their shoes off, and relax. Ahhh...

But when they do get too much attention, it overwhelms them. It freaks them out somehow. And they pull back or fall back or back off in every sense of the word. When a women becomes extremely clingy and desperate, he will back off - the further away the better. In fact, a woman doesn't have to be extremely clingy for him to back off since the slightest signs scare him off pretty easily.

Some men feed from this. They love to see us suffer and crave their attention.
Some men back off because they simply do not understand why women need intimacy. Of course they won't understand, since we can't understand it either why they need to look at other women and enjoy doing so.

So what did we just learn?
We learned that to earn attention from others, you need to first pay attention to who? To yourself, of course!

I hate seeing myself affected by my own 'typical female' - that voice inside - saying that in order to be happy: I need a man right next to me. And as long as he's not around, I would be devastated. Incomplete. Alone. Well, I couldn't be more wrong.

Yeah. Would you really want to believe that? And suffer?
It isn't even true if you really stop and listen.

And most of all, I hate seeing how many women out there thinking that there's something WRONG with them just coz the guy isn't paying attention to them.

There is nothing wrong.
Not if all along you haven't been bringing in tons of drama into the relationship.


Let's finally come to the list of things I would NOT do in this situation:

• Hate him
• Nag
  
• Hate myself
• Bottle up that hate
• Take revenge

These are some interesting things you could do instead - things I've done too:

• My best suggestion: Do the things YOU would have always done before you believed that 'someone else is going to make you happy'.
  
  
  I'm sure life was a lot livelier for you a long time ago. You weren't less of who you are before a man came along, were you? So what happened? Where was that interesting girl your guy couldn't resist?
  No one can make you happy, because if you give anyone this task, you will eventually, surely hate their ass for letting you down. I promise you. This can only bring poison into the relationship.
  So don't forget this. Don't forget that you have always been you, with or without someone else. No more, no less. You have always known how to be happy. Secure, even on your own. So look back and remember. Being on your own does not hurt. Thoughts, when you let them, do.
  
  
• Go out
  
  
  I'm serious. So long as there's no blizzard, hurricane or heatwave. Go out. And it doesn't even matter what you do or where you go when you're out. Take a walk, drive the car, cycle, listen to music while you're at it. Be in that moment when you can take in everything that you see. The trees, birds, sky, the weather. Listen to the sounds you hear. Don't think or interpret. Just watch. Be alive and thankful.
  
  
• Doll up and take pictures of yourself
  
  
  
  Set no limits or rules. Go all out. Adore yourself. Love the body you are in. Put on that make up, do your hair, wear the sexiest thing you own. Take seductive pictures of yourself in poses you never thought you'd ever be in. Make a calendar out of the photos, or frame them up and decorate a private room with it, be creative. It's your time, so knock yourself out.
  
  
• Spend time with friends
  
  
  Especially when you've abandoned some all because you think this relationship is everything you need to pay attention to. Catch up with them again, even if it's only having coffee with ONE friend. You don't have to go to a party if you don't want to. All I'm saying is, there are other things in life to appreciate too, and it doesn't hurt to just catch up with a friend or two just to have a laugh over breakfast, lunch, dinner, or whatever it is you want to do. Don't talk badly about your guy, just hang out.
  
  
• Spend time with family
  
  
  
  If you are lucky to have your family living just a couple of minutes away from you, then by all means, go down and say hi. Help out around the house if you like. Or just hang out with your favourite family-'buddies' as you would with your friends. Don't talk badly about your guy either (I do know that what goes around comes around), so just have a good time.
  
  
• Finish a book
  
  
  
  Perhaps you started reading a novel some time ago and didn't finish it. Well now is a perfect time. Books are wonderful things. Look up authors similar to your favourites, or read something that's entirely new to you. These days you won't have to buy a book if you don't want to, just borrow some at the library. You could even spend hours there if you like, all in your own time.
  Some of my favourites are Anne Rice, John Ajvide Lindqvist, and Eckhart Tolle.
  
  
• Create your own creative or relaxing space, your own place
  
  
  If your house or apartment is large enough and you have an extra room, why not make it into your own space to be in? An attic, a garage, the old storeroom, the empty guestroom, etc. If your man has found his nirvana in front of the computer or television screen then there is no harm in having your own private hideaway either.
  It could be your own computer room, library, yoga room, tv/video room, or in my case: my own art studio. I'm still working on it :)
  If you enjoy being productive, this is something that's definitely an option.
  
  
• Start your own blog
  
  
  If you don't already have one. And if you do, then post away. Share your interesting online finds. Write about everything that inspires you. Share knowledge and experiences. Display pictures from different aspects of your life, or of things you would love to always remember. It's your blog - your words.
  
  
• Write in a private journal
  
  
  Sometimes it helps to let off steam, to not be afraid of what you have to say because you only need to write it all down and then put it away. Feel free to be angry, feel free to swear, feel free to be a drama queen... let those words come out on paper and remain on paper. You can be as negative or as optimistic as you like. And in the end you will realize, that these words (reactions) - especially the negative ones - were better off on paper than in someone else's face. You will realize that the anger, frustration, jealousy, or insecurity, are only the mind's play. An impostor. Not you.
  
  
• Pamper and groom yourself
  
  
  When was the last time you trimmed your hair or eyebrows? The last time you shaved? The last time you had a facial? The last time you took a bubble bath? The last time you gave yourself a manicure and pedicure? The last time you put lotion on your body? The last time you had a body scrub? The last time you put on perfume? We all have different ways of pampering ourselves so go ahead with what you like.
  In such a situation you may as well spend ages in the bathroom or in your own room, making yourself look and feel good. Women, by nature, just love to, so feel free to embrace your feminity in all its glory. It's like being your own doll sometimes.
  
  
• This next step involves selflessness, which is: Be nice to your man
  
  
  A man is like a child (in some way). They NEED to be acknowledged when they do something right. Don't punish him when he does something wrong, just don't acknowledge the behaviour. Tell him that you do not appreciate it. But don't go all drama queen. Just straight forward. That is how they know what you like.
  
  So don't hold a grudge over his head, because you know what happens when you do? You get the same shit right back at you. So be nice *without* expecting him to do the same. You probably hadn't forgotten about how he used to not be able to resist you, but I bet you forgot why.
  
  Do not beg for attention, don't cry, don't whine, nag, complain, or throw some witty comment you want him to react to. It's not going to solve anything.
  
  So what do I mean by 'being nice'?
  
  • Acknowledge him, say hello, or good morning, or "Hi Sweetie!" and move on with whatever you were doing.
  • Smile. Or look into his eyes when he looks at you, and smile.
  • Flirt. This was one thing you probably forgot about when relationships become routine.
  • Catch him doing the things that please you - however small. Say "Thank you", or "I like that". Give him a kiss or a hug.
    
  • And if you really need to talk to him because you haven't done so already, then let him know in advance that you would like to talk to him at whenever-o'clock. Then have a mature and polite conversation.
    
  • And if you just don't feel like doing all of the above, then: Let him be. The more you let another person be, the more they begin to change.
    

Let him be? What do I mean 'let him be'? Let him be even if you're 90% sure that he looks at other women, watches porn, or looks at other stuff online, on tv, in magazines that threatens you?
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I mean not showing that you are bothered by this shit in the first place. Hold your ground, girl. Do not in any way, fall apart. This has nothing to do with you, but it has everything to do with stuff about men that we will never be able to understand.
It's the same way men will never fully understand women and their needs. If being in a relationship does not stop men from their fantasies then would it stop women from theirs? I doubt that. Sure we fantasise about different things, but so what? Most women often make that mistake; they just shut off from the rest of the world the moment they fall in love. Why the hell, I don't even know. Well, turn back on, ladies. This settles the score.

Remember that the last thing you want to do is hurt yourself or hurt him by turning into a bitter green monster. I know that it is easier said than done, but I also know that it is worth it. There is nothing you can do to control others but you have every means to control yourself.

If the relationship wouldn't work, then it only means that it wouldn't. It doesn't mean that you are doomed to suffer alone for the rest of your life. No, this is the time to appreciate yourself. When you know that you did nothing wrong, and you respected and appreciated, then should you be the one filled with regret? I don't think so.

And if you have done nothing so far to hurt him or the relationship, then realize that it's just another day, that maybe he just wants time alone and it doesn't 'mean' anything bad. Of course it can never be 'like the first time' because even relationships become mundane sometimes (you can't change that, but you can decide how you deal with it).
You deserve time alone too. In fact, take as much of it as you like. Your man's not the centre of the universe. Please.

Being together isn't about doing everything together. It's about peaceful coexistence, acceptance, and communication. If you don't know whether or not something is wrong, then ask. In fact, go straight to the point.

And when it just gets a little too quiet, then even silence cannot hurt.
Only thoughts do. One can't emphasise this enough.

Be aware of your thoughts (they are not you). Be smart about what you do.
And most of all: be you. No less. No more.