27 June 2011

Like war deep inside

I'm starting to be annoyed at Twitter for showing me its blank page for weeks on end.
I'm hungry and I crave a lot of chicken.

It's been 6 months since I updated my art blog and yesterday I realized: that's enough.
I miss that part of life I used to have, when nothing was in the way - when I could do my own thing. No authorities breathing down my neck. No papers to sign. No desperate priorities. Just me and my work.

This has been a very revealing week. I've been having strange dreams of other people and myself and I've been writing them down the moment I wake up from them. In case they mean anything later on. But for now they ignite new inspirations that I would take advantage of soon.

I've been staring at my apartment and starting to develope a 'thing' against these empty walls. I should get nails and a hammer and start hitting so that I could decorate them with my paintings. In fact I don't even know why I don't do that. But maybe it's because they don't really 'fit' here. They want to be somewhere else.

Staying up late tonight, I'm writing out my future plans on every piece of paper I could find and looking back at the last time I broke down. I didn't know where to go, what to do, why I'm even here. Looking back reminded me that if I don't snap out and make things happen then I'd have only my existence to lose.

I feel something inside me die....?
I just want this to be the last time.

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