08 January 2011

End of 2010

Another new year. Time to remember to write (and say) the dates correctly. It's something we all go through together. I'm glad.

I'm back in Germany once again, after spending about 11 days in Singapore throughout Christmas and New Year's Eve. The journey was ridiculously long, especially the journey back. Though the trip itself was pretty good, there were great and not-so-great parts about it - the latter involving my family and relatives. But that's nothing new to me.

I didn't jot down everything that happened during the entire trip, eg. Day One, Day Two, so on and so forth. Coming 'home' really felt like coming home, except for the fact that I had to remind myself that I will be leaving again. And leaving very soon.

It wasn't enough time for me to soak in everything that I have missed for the past 10 months.

I had the urge to stay. Just a little bit longer. Because of the food, the monsoon rains, time spent with my sisters, saying out words in my own language, and doing all the things I used to do everyday. In my own space and time.
But it was an urge I had to let go of.

The weather was cool, rainy, and most of the time cloudy. I heard thunders again, as though I've heard them for the first time. I had some amazing local food again, like Satay, Tahu Bakar, Popiah, a bunch of Indian food, and of course, mum's cooking.
When the morning sun came out, I stood in it... eyes closed, basking, feeling how much my skin appreciated it.

And seeing my family again after a long time was great. My mum and sister were the ones who picked us up at the airport when we arrived. I felt a great deal of relief when I took them in my arms again.

For a moment I didn't feel alone.

Micha and I saw a lot, did a lot, and ate a lot.
Shopping, however, as much as I would love to dive right into it, it was something I only had a taste of. But it was alright. I bought some bare essentials and most importantly managed to get my laptop repaired. So the good news is, I have my old, ancient IBM X21 laptop back in working condition. :)

The same things in Singapore that used to bother me still bothered me. Like the 'kiasu' Singaporeans on the plane, the crowds in the trains, the crowds in malls, the crowds everywhere. There are so many nice places to be at in Singapore, but it's such a shame that once the crowd comes in nothing sounds better than going home. Just well away from it all.

Over a buffet dinner in a Japanese Restaurant, Micha and I have broken the news to my parents that we plan a future together, here in Germany. It didn't go so well, and that evening when we were back at our hotel I cried my eyes out. Not that I was disappointed, but because I was under a whole lot of pressure. Years of it coming down in one go. Micha was holding me tight, and while I was at the bottom of my very bottom I realized... I don't know anymore.

On top of that, so many people wanted to see me when I was there. But because of my short stay I couldn't make it all possible for every single one of them. And in the end, anyone would've guessed it: they then tell me how disappointed they are (or were, if I'm lucky) with me.
With so much on my hands and on my mind, I didn't know what I was supposed to do anymore. It's like having my legs being pulled all over the place - this feeling of not being able to move.

And I'm sorry. Sorry I couldn't see them all.
For a moment I also did wonder: what the hell did I come home to?

Despite all that, I was still reluctant about leaving, because like some people say: home will always be home. I'd still feel connected to it somehow. At least for a long time.

But after a terrible evening, I felt myself go numb, although not too much. Because I still enjoyed my time with Micha. It was his second time in Singapore and we retraced our steps from back in 2006, when we met here for the first time.

I didn't plan on taking the best pictures while I was there, but here are some that I managed to shoot:

Until next time.

1 comment:

  1. Singapore looks very nice. Michael needs to grow his hair out a bit more.

    Well, the disappointments are expected, but I am glad to know that you still feel connected to your home. In fact, I was counting on it.

    Do you have an email address I can contact you with? I need to consult you on something, something that I feel I know no one else in this world but you knows better. Let me know, okay? Thanks.