13 February 2009

13th - day 43

It's the 13th (a little late at that though), a Friday, and the week continues for me. I have school tomorrow! Yay. It's snowing outside pretty sufficiently and I wonder what am I even doing indoors.
I'll regret this.
It's beautiful may I say. Really.

I've already written a draft of this entry before I went to bed last night but now that I have access to the Internet I forgot the damn thing. So I will just... write. I know it's been awhile since I updated.

Time's passing pretty fast that I can basically already feel what it's like to be back home again. Hm... that's kinda creepy to think of... the crowd, the heat, the kiasuism, the pace of life that knows no speed limit... ugh. But that's always been the fate that stood by me: Stress.

Anyway, the past few weeks have been interesting as it should be since everthing's very new to me, still. Strange things happened and perhaps I can expect more. I saw a man on the bus with a watch on both his shoes. Unusual but in some way unique. I thought it was rather creative because it made me wonder what does one do with a thing like that? For me it gave a new meaning to the term 'being on time'.

I still get awkward glances and at times stares here in this city. Also I get 'friendly' comments from 'kind' people who approach me with 'good' intentions. A very good reminder of the fact that I am different and I guess I can't know it any more than I already do. It feels weird and makes me wish that I wasn't all alone in this. I'm not here now to work, study until I'm 30, or take anything away from anybody. I paid to be here, and it's the best way to learn a language when you go to where it is mostly spoken. German's an interesting challenge for me, hardly do I ever feel that way about anything, hence I like it. But I don't want to come to the point where I could never forgive myself for that.
Being back home feels wrong, being away feels wrong, and I realize that's how I feel when I expect to be accepted or understood. It's just better to get things over and done with and then go back to the comfort zone that also is the comfort zone of another 4 million people.

School's been fun, however, and there's only a couple more weeks to go. To some point I'm satisfied with how much I'm learning, to some point I'm a little stressed because everthing has to be fast (fast, fast). With a test coming up some time mid-March I can't help but wonder if I can even pull it off.
"Practice more, speak more, learn more, do more" - the advice I keep getting and telling myself. Gah. Sometimes I feel like I can implode into verbs, grammar, pronouns, words and alphabets... I only know that I'm already giving it my best. My attention can't divert too much from this if I'm not going to screw up.

I amused myself a bit last night in my apartment, talking to myself (because I have to) and labelling almost everything that has a name. If you remember my little friend Jack who accompanied me on this trip, he had volunteered to be my Body. So he's hanging on my wall right now with post-its all over him, hehe, at least I have a good use for him now. Perhaps I will upload a picture of my Post-its-Jack, or more, later on.

My body, however, is clearly irritated. My skin's desperate for moisture, everytime I breathe it feels like the air is sandpaper, and my toes itch in a strange way. Maybe it's a very slow process of frostbite. I might lose two or more limbs! *Gasp* Ok. I'm curious. We'll see what falls off by the time Winter's over (and it won't be long now).

The cold weather has been a big reason for me to smile. I'll miss it though when I'm gone.

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