12 October 2008

5 Good Things About Having a Boyfriend

I'd like to end my weekend on a positive note and tonight I want to share some of my personal point of view on the best things about having a boyfriend.

We all know: 'Boyfriend' is a man who is the lover of a woman. Someone she is with in a non-marital romantic relationship. It may also mean a non-intimate male friend. In this case we focus on the former.

The most common thing I came across in the media on the best things about having a boyfriend is mostly (supposedly) romantic stuff like the cuddles, the kisses, having someone to do the man-jobs like fixing broken things, or not to mention sex. Yes. We get the whole biological, natural, reproduction stuff, but in terms of having someone who is potentially the person you will trust your life with for the rest of your days, it definitely goes beyond lust, infatuation, or romance. I find that it goes down a lot deeper than that.

Indeed there are worse things about having a boyfriend, just as there are with any other things in life. But for once I'm rather curious about considering that the glass is half full. And speaking from personal experience (although not much), I'd like to leave a note to myself and hopefully for other girls out there: if you happened to crash into a guy in your life that you totally did not intend to, or perhaps you did and you are wondering what is the good in it, and yet you can't deny that he's the one even though there were horrible times and you are convinced that he's the one you sometimes just hate the most - there's one thing to remember: nothing's perfect in this world and we can't change anyone, but we can see the good in them. However small it is, it still deserves to be known to you.

In no particular order, I've written down the points that I believe makes the boyfriend unexpectedly beneficial.

1. The Stranger, the Acquaintance, the Friend, the Best Friend, the Lover.
He's the only person who has been all of the above. Sometimes he is so distant you don't even know if you still know him, and at times he is so close you feel like you are one with him. But no matter what or where he is, he's the person who comes to mind when you ask yourself who you know so well. But the strange thing is that at the same time you also know that there will always be more about him that you do not know. The curiosity.

2. The Conversations.
Sometimes you have so many things to talk about and sometimes there is only awkward silence. Barren. Like the desert. The best thing is that you always have something to talk about, and whether the topic is good or bad it doesn't matter (no drama). The best thing is also when utter silence doesn't matter. There is always a chance for communication to be at its best, all it takes is a decision. And the best thing is when you know that men are so easy to understand. Sometimes all it takes is to take them literally, not intuitively. Words will be words. And silence... you got it... is often just what it is - silence. The best thing about communication with a boyfriend is that even though rarely he says what he doesn't mean to say, he will often say (or talk about) what he means to. He surprises me. It's interesting the advice I hear, the solutions he suggests to a problem, and the thoughts he willingly shares with me with which I may reciprocate. His mind is a whole different entity.

3. The Presence.
Having him around at first may be something so new. Over time we all know that we start to take it for granted. I feel that the best thing about having him around is to know that he lives and he breathes. He's human just like you, similar in so many ways, yet so different. He makes you feel warm inside, sometimes he drives you insane. The best thing about having him around is when it hits you the fact that you appreciate him, however slightly.
For me I would appreciate having him here right now. But I can't have him here right now due to the 10,200 kilometers in between. For other girls perhaps they have the privilege of seeing their boyfriends every other day if not everyday. I would understand that it can be hard not to take his presence for granted. Even for me I know that if the distance no longer stand in between, it would be something I take for granted too. His presence may lift or repel me. But I'd like to remember this... the years when he's not here with me and how it had made me feel.
Because he is not going to be around forever, just like everyone and everything else.

4. Love.
Love is a word but it's also a decision. It's courage in some ways, but it's anything but a feeling. At least to me. It's too easy for girls to love (and un-love) but I find that when a guy decides to love a girl, it's often something they do not easily turn away from. It's not easy for some guys to be honest about it. But one of the best things about him is when he is.
It's also not about him doing everything for his girl, it's got nothing to do with this whole self-sacrificing thing. That would be another decision of his itself and I cannot assume that every guy would unnecessarily put himself through shit for a girl (save for the naive ones but that's another topic).
To me it is the little things that don't make themselves known that easily. Like when he takes the time to write his thoughts for me in a letter. Or when he tells me that something reminded him of me, or that he doesn't doubt the way he feels about me. I don't need to be impressed with flowers and chocolates and teddy bears. I don't have to hear him say "I love you". I need to see it that he does. And through such little gestures I do. The time he makes for me, the dreams of me gets, the thoughts he shares with me, or the help he kindly offers - they are things that I cannot physically touch.

5. Trust.
The best thing about having a boyfriend is also having someone one can trust. It's probably the most dangerous kind of blind faith anyone could have because one dares to risk her feelings, sanity, and perhaps life with it. Trust isn't perfect either, it goes wrong too sometimes. And I can't say that it doesn't happen to us all. It can and we never know.
But the thing is, trust is also about staying positive. It's about seeing the good in things and people, instead of lingering among the negative aspects of them.
I remember a time when it was impossible for me to trust my boyfriend. I had no idea how to. I was afraid, skeptical, nervous, uncertain, and I felt like running away.
"Trust me," he said. But the more I thought of it the more I felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted to but I didn't want to. I couldn't find my reasons hence I couldn't decide.

"Trust me," he repeated. And the last thought in my my head was "God help me if I am being stupid." But I did. I don't know how. But I trusted him. And indeed all my worries was for nothing. The whole worrying thing was stupid, but I'm glad I could give him a chance. Because I wouldn't know whether or not I could trust him if I hadn't.

And that's the best thing about trusting him, all he needs is a chance for him to show you that he's worth it (your trust). It's one of those guy-things: it means a lot to him when his girlfriend would just relax and not worry too much. He's got it under control and that's what he just needs you to know sometimes.
I never knew what made me decide to give him that chance, but that again is trust by itself - to give him a chance based on nothing whatsoever. It's so blind and so strange. Yet so important.

The best thing is that... we can trust each other.
It's not perfect, but every step of way is one full of lessons to learn.

The bottom line is I still realize how thankful I am for the one I'm with.


I've come to the end of today's post. My bed calls and I shouldn't be awake at this hour.
As much as I'd love to rant about the stresses of my days, I think I would rather leave my mind to think about the good things in life. Like my new Papillio clogs (I couldn't help it when I saw them) :P

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