17 May 2008
Trust no one?
Who do you know to trust?
Who do you know not to trust?
I was told by someone who I had decided to consider a friend that I trust people too easily. Almost like she feels sorry for me. It was one of those typical criticisms I always get. I wonder if that's true (it might be since I am told). So maybe it is. And maybe I will have trust issues now.
There are times when I wanted to be a 'friend'. At least to be someone somebody can talk to because I know what it feels like when people underestimate you. Furthermore I like to help. But being nice gives people license to mock you for the rest of your life.
If it's not the people I wanted to help who turn their backs on me, then it's other people who's been watching me from a distance.
They tell me what I've done wrong. Word for word.
Maybe they do that because they care about me? Because they want me to see things I don't see? Or they don't want me to get hurt?
But how can I trust that? I wouldn't know, would I?
It sure hurts even though my intentions were good.
That's another thing: Good intentions. What is it about good intentions? They tell me that my intentions may be good but it goes to waste. It does no good. It will kill me. Because it makes me look so stupid for being determined, for looking or behaving so honestly.
So how would you keep your friends if you were me? When you are only made to feel like an idiot time and time again. I didn't let this suppress me, but it does make me feel like I don't want to care anymore. I mean, friends have done more damage to me than good. Not to hurt the ones who really do care about me, but even if you really do, I wouldn't know.
I really wouldn't know.
posted by Ira R.