15 March 2008

Nothing to hold

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I knew the day was going to be disappointing. But there were things I was happy about. I prepared lunch for my family... still the substitute housewife at the moment, but it's okay. It was nice when they ate what I cooked. I mean, I could've put anything in the food potentially pleasurable or fatal, but they totally trusted me with it. Of course I wouldn't do the latter unless it is to my own self, but yeah, when people eat your stuff that's a sign of trust. Which is cool.

A dream I had last night was interesting too - I climbed down from my balcony. I'm not very fond of heights though and I remember trembling so much to the point that I had to focus just to move my leg. But one step at a time, I did it. My feet touched the ground and I didn't 'splat'. But my apartment is only 4 storeys up... even if I do jump off the worst case scenario is I'd probably be handicapped, or brain damaged (and will be a burden to someone else). So... not high enough apparently. I woke up feeling proud of myself, heheh...

Another thing I'm happy about is... I have an idea.
Like I always do. Or maybe it's just another dream I dare dream of. I recognize this as potential disappointment as how they always do turn out. But I'm just glad that I can still think of something fundamentally positive.

I've been nice to myself. Or at least trying to make friends with her.


In My Mind

Why did the sun rise?
Is it a good day?
Why make it all so bright?
Why let me see?

My face
My footsteps
My broken home
My empty plate
My sad heart
My hopes

I saw a child crying
In the arms of his brother
I should've been him
Dying, I'd never grow up –

To see myself breathe in life
And beyond to nowhere

Without air
Without fear
With nothing to hold dear

So perfect how you fall asleep
Perfect how you wake
So perfect the journey you take
Perfect the friends you make

So stupid the things I do to please
Wasting all your time
I will be and always will be
A slave to my mind


  1. I'm still trying to figure out how you made that pic look like that.

    Of course your family trusts you. Why wouldn't they?

  2. Hello, Ira
    Thumbs up...u nvr failed to mae me amaze by your blog layout.. always so unique in your own way...
    btw the recent post...In my mind..
    you recite it yourself or taken froma source...its great


  3. Hi Kammy,
    Thank you very muchie :)
    I wrote "In My Mind" two years ago. It's about how my mind has taken over me. Glad you like it.