26 October 2007

What Love?

I was on top of the world
Looking down on Creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I found
Ever since you've been around
Your love put me at the top of the world

Love is very important. Now you see me smile like this in the picture. Everytime I smile like that I wonder if it's the last time I really meant to smile. It's not even something worth thinking about.

I wish the kind of person I became was different. Different in a positive way. That I'm not affected by stupid little things. Not sensitive all the time. Not slow or weird or indecisive. Not someone who's a disappointment or who makes those careless mistakes which normal people so easily avoid. I already know that nobody's perfect, but it's not too much to ask just trying to find reasons to like who I am.

Today I switched my focus from myself to others. Some are better off than me, some aren't. Life feels fair that way because I feel in-between and realize that there's no such thing as being good enough. Just being content. And it comes down to the same thing: the way I am.

Love is not a transaction. And that's true, it isn't. I don't need intricate reasons to be loved, or to love. Everyone deserves it like that. Love is blind. Just like religion without science. Not everybody knows what love really is. I don't know. It can be too harsh.

And I think, because I'm still loved - and despite not being able to feel or see it whole, somehow it's the thing that keeps me going despite how much I want to pull myself apart.

Every kind of life needs a meaning. If you've found yours, good for you.

1 comment:

  1. A lot of people wish they could be different. I know I do.

    I know you wouldn't ask me, but I feel that your life has more meaning than mine.