15 October 2007

Here comes the rain

May I suggest that if my words are displeasing to your senses you are more than free to leave this page.

I have one little heart for Dessy: ♥
And another one for Rhea: ♥

Just words on screen but it's supposed to say thanks for the 'hugs'.

Yes, it's obvious. I'm still up this late. I don't know if you've wondered about the time I actually post my entries. 90% of the time the time stated is way, way, way earlier than the actual time my entry is published. However, for this post I made it a point to change the time to when the post is exactly published. As I'm writing this it's 03:55.

Sometimes there are long pauses in between.

It's been a week since the surgery and I'm glad the swelling went down. There were bruises on my left cheek which turned to yellow. There's also a funny feeling in my mouth. I stopped taking the painkillers. For fun. I gladly await Wednesday when the stitches come lose and it will be a relief.

Food! I still have to stick to the soft kind. It's a shame that I have to refrain from chocolate bars but I have a good reason to go for chocolate ice-cream. For breakfast I take oatmeal, for lunch mashed potatoes, for dinner mashed potatoes again. Or many glasses of chocolate milk enough to spoil my appetite. Hunger these days frustrate me, but not for long.

I lost 3kgs.

But that's easily replaceable once I get better. Threefold perhaps. Or maybe not, considering how fast my heart beats whether I'm dead or alive.

That was an exaggerated metaphor. Not supposed to really mean anything. Just one of those unconscious things we do when we feel like nobody's listening.

I've been away from work on medical leave for a week as well. Makes me feel restless. Like I have to do something. I still can't get back to doing what I loved doing. Nothing's fulfilling anymore. Writing feels useless, sleeping's wasting time, cooking lacks passion, drawing makes no sense, time runs out, next thing I know I get pushed away.

Things have got to change. And I guess they will.
All behind my back.

Today maybe I'll stay home. I can tell it's going to be another hot day. I could still find something useful to do. Or if it's good to just rest and relax, that should be okay too. Or maybe I could walk away and see where I end up. Whatever I do it's not good enough.

But that's okay, I know you don't believe me.


  1. whatever you do, is to the best of you. What is enough? Cheer Up, gurlfren...Of all the millions, take it into account that at least there will be a huge bunch who believes you --- and for that, i'd like to be one of them. *huggs*