21 September 2007

Too-Paralyzing Silence

Is it meant to make me strong?

I came across a good question yesterday:
Is there someone you're constantly worried about?

I answer yes to that.
It's a good thing. It's a bad thing.
It's this thing that I swear is never going to leave me alone.
Ever.

Why? Because... I don't know. It approves of me, maybe. It lets me project my feelings, intentions and energy towards a being. I'm pregnant with the ability to empathize. As knowing what sort of pain is there about being pushed aside, rejected, humiliated, alone, mistaken. Knowing where it exactly pin-points.

Another interesting question I came across:
Do you know what a broken heart feels like?

Your lungs contract. Diaphragm shrivels. It's like your whole chest is collapsing. Caving in. No more room to breathe. You just want to die. You know this.

I know too. It confuses me because I wonder whether to step aside from or surround the person I deeply care about. I can fight though I'm not strong enough. Yet it's heart-breaking to bear witness.

Yes.
I constantly worry about someone.
As much as I didn't realize it, I find myself surrounding.
Until I'm pushed away.
If ever.

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