11 June 2007

I'm sorry but leave me alone

Everybody just has to make things so complicated, right? I'm going to write something here which is meant to be for Aaron. I write this here so EVERYBODY can read it and know what's going on. I hate this whole grapevine thing where messages get so damn distorted and I'm the one who ends up being misunderstood.

I've had a rough week. DAYS is a row. I don't feel good and I don't need anymore unnecessary problems to deal with.

I am going to make this clear.
I am going to say this ONCE and I am not going to say this again:
Aaron, please don't bother to get in touch with me ever again.

Why are you so hyped about the fact that I wrote to you? I didn't want to respond to your emails, did you know that? But because of my stupid mind that thinks I should give you another chance, I thought "hey, just give Aaron another chance coz for all I know maybe he has learned his lesson." But OH NO. You just had to tell Rhea that I wrote to you.. on and on and on.
Is that so important? Do you even know what I was trying to tell you? I said I forgave you for what you did to me and I thought by giving you the impression that I'm not trying to be MEAN to you by saying that I'll 'still be around', I take it that you'd understand that I'm trying to avoid you. I'm trying to let you down in a gentle way, Aaron. But that doesn't seem to come to your senses so I'm not going to try so hard anymore now. I'm going to make this clear.

No I don't want to talk to you.
No I don't want to write to you.
No I don't want it to be the way it was before.
And I hope that's not so difficult for you to understand.

Rhea, to respond to your email: No, things are not getting better between Aaron and me. Hell no. Yes, I accepted his apology but it stops there, it ends there. I am a forgiving person which is why I forgive easily. But I'm not saying that I'm giving Aaron another shot at 'saving' our friendship. The damage is done. Permanent. Okay? I can never forget what happened.

Michael, I'm not giving Aaron 'encouragement' or 'hope'. I'm sorry if he takes it that way but obviously I can't even be nice to him without him thinking that I'm trying to avoid him without being mean. But this shows that I don't have any other choice. He hurt your feelings, I know, but I'm not trying to keep in touch with him or trying to make things right. I forgave him, fine, because what can I do about the fact that he thought so explicitly of me? He had no respect towards you OR me. But it has happened. It's already in the past. I can't change the past. I have to move on. If I hold grudges over what he did, it's going to pull me down so I don't want that. But it doesn't mean that I'm trying to forget about it. I can never forget what happened, I said it already. He crossed the line, and there are consequences.

Aaron, please understand that you're not the person I used to know anymore. I'm not going to be very nice to you, anymore. I'm not the bestest friend you've ever made. Stop putting so much hope in me. Please don't deny the fact that things are not going to get any better between us. And when I said I was going to still come over to your blog despite the fact that you're no longer on my list, I'm telling you that I'm not trying to hurt your feelings by just cutting you off from my life. But let's not make a big deal out of this okay? Just... back off.

I wash my hands off this matter. I'm tired! Please stop bothering me with Aaron this and Aaron that. I don't want to deal with this anymore. Work was beyond terrible and bad customers are going to get me into trouble, I've been humiliated in front of my colleagues, BY colleagues, accused of being irresponsible and unhelpful, I've had tickets, money, and words thrown in my face by those people, and my colleagues won't even speak up for me even though they were there to see everything being hurled straight at me. So right now I just want have some peace of mind, PLEASE.

DON'T bother to leave me any comments. Especially you, Aaron.
It didn't have to come to this but so it has.
This end right here.
Right now.

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