28 May 2007


Sometimes I think that I know what I'm saying but actually I don't. It was easier to be the invisible one back then. I only had to put up with being insignificant and misunderstood. Like I can say to myself "I've never made a single mistake but I've never done anything either." Not thinking out of the box, being safe in my own comfort zone and being jealous of other people's lives that always seem to work.

Tomorrow I think I'll try to keep a low profile. Not that I haven't all the while but I surprisingly open up more than I usually do. Then I'd tend to get carried away and I either make a fool of myself or I can't take back what I said or did. That's annoying and it gnaws on me. I make mistakes too often. Although I learn from them, they can cause demotivation. I learn something but my negative thinking would be: "I just threw shit to a whirling fan, what lesson is worth the damage done?" Positively I'd think: "I'm sorry for [whatever] and I promise I won't do it again." And then move on because it's history.

At the moment I'm reading Stephen Frey's The Day Trader. A corporate thriller that deals with relationships, manipulation, and money. One way to keep myself busy when I don't want people to even bother talking to me.
Have a good week.