08 March 2007

Hole in the Heart

It felt strange to wake up this morning. I get by the usual routine, looking for the papers, skipping breakfast, and turning on the laptop to check my emails. But this morning I find myself six-feet under. Oh, the usual.

Home doesn't feel safe anymore after knowing that my step-dad is a walking time bomb. I hardly talk to my mum, I don't know who she is to me. I love my sisters but they hurt my feelings. I have a strange family indeed. But there's nobody else. Everything's just all screwed up.

So I want to run away but there's nowhere to go. I want to take my own life but I care about a few people who helped pick me up the best they could. What about them if I commit a selfish act?
Huh... I sound so naive. Would you look at that..

I don't know what a lot of things mean. What life means when I can't live it. What love means when I can't feel it. What happiness means when I can't have it. It feels empty inside because I gave everything away.
Just for one moment I trusted too much. I loved too much. That's all I'll ever be guilty of.

Why am I so stupid.

But I have two choices now. I stand up again and continue to fight for the sake of love, or stay down right here and wait for someone to dig me up.

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