Dealing with Sarcasm

So how do you deal with sarcasm and put downs? How do you deal with passive aggressive people who beat around the bush with sarcasm and wit but refuse to confront the matter with you directly? Do you ignore these people when they hurt your feelings more times than the sun has ever risen is the history of mankind?

The only option that appeals to me is to look at them, be firm, point out what you know/think is the problem, and ask them a simple direct question: "Do you have a problem with me?" or better yet, be specific: "Do you have a problem with [describe matter in detail, bring out the dirty laundry, even the old underwear that's been lying at the back of the closet for centuries - if any]". If they hesitate then you've got them right where you want them.

Chances are they'll try to innocently deny it: "Who... me?" This is already a sign of their weakness we all should recognize. Lying about themselves. A sign that they can lie about other things too.

And you would say: "Did I stutter? You can be honest with me, you know, unless you're afraid of me for some reason but I'd rather not assume. So let's figure out why you're being sarcastic with me and maybe we can make things better."
I've read lots of ways to deal with passive aggressive behaviour - ignoring the aggressor, coming up with a quicker and better comeback, getting the aggressor to settle the problem directly with you, pretend to not get what they're trying to say, and all sorts of other things. Whatever you do the basic rule is to not let them get under your skin. No matter what. First step is to always remember not to show that you are being intimidated by them. That means no blushing, no sweating, no break in eye-contact transmission. Stand your ground. You are, after all, stronger than them the moment you recognize that something's not right. The passive aggressive ones, however, don't have the guts to do that. Strange huh? They are the ones who should be intimidated don't you think?

Easy for me to say, but it's an advice that I would take for myself. I don't know how many times I let people intimidate me. The moment they look at me they think I'm like them (think that they will like me), when they realize that I'm soft-spoken they think I'm sweet, and the moment they find my quirks and mistakes laughable they think they have the license to poke fun at me as and when they can because they know I don't fight back. Then they would make it seem as if I can't laugh at myself once in awhile and then pretend to care. The intimidation skill is good. Very good. But it's not fair to me if I beat myself up because of it. So there... perhaps I should learn to 'play along'. Encourage them to face it.

Sometimes it's also because of the fact that they feel superior over me. Whether they're older or younger than me, they think it's fun once they know that I'm the kind of person who absorbs any kind of blow they throw at me. Always calm and relaxed and never saying no. I don't explode like a grenade unnecessarily. You know? That's sad but that's who I am. Sometimes even when you respect others, you don't get respect back. I expect to be respected, but I don't take it for granted. I don't go around thinking that as long as I leave someone alone and respect them, they will respect me. It doesn't mean that they will bring forth respect, actually.

Just recently I came across a situation where someone was being sarcastic to me. I was supposed to meet my sister somewhere but I was late. So this was one of those situations that I -realize- is my mistake. I was ready to face the consequences and I wanted to see what happens. And I was right, she was practically being sarcastic to me the whole time. It's not that easy to take, though, because she raised her voice at me in front of other people, she talked to me like I was intellectually challenged, and the fact that she's 4 years younger than me even beats me down into complete pulp. Fascinating how she attacks me indirectly.

Whenever I asked of her opinion, she says something that implies that I'm a very indecisive person and that she's frustrated by that.
"You said you wanted to go to the bank, right? Well the bank is NOT here. The bank is THERE. Do you understand?"
"Do you want me to order the food for you? No, wait. Is this what you want? PLEASE be clear with your decisions (gesturing violently at her head probably saying that I'm crazy), I don't want to go there to get something you don't want, and then get scolded. So make your choices CLEAR. Okay?"

She just totally made me feel like an idiot in front of so many people.
I asked calmly: "Why are you being sarcastic to me?" (I know what the problem is, it's simply because I was late, but I wanted to see if she's able to bring that up.)
Her reaction was utter irritation: "I'm not being sarcastic to you." (Denial)
I told her honestly how it made me feel: "When you're being rude to me like that you hurt my feelings, do you know?"
Suddenly she didn't know what else to say and I realize that this shows she refuses to confront the situation face-to-face. I gave her a chance to think about it so I gave her some money and told her what I decided to get. Off she went. For the rest of the day I didn't talk to her. And half the time I felt stupid. But that's also the consequence of a mistake. I admit it was my mistake and that's fine, I'm sorry about my inability to be punctual, but sarcasm doesn't solve the problem. And being attacked like that? Doesn't it make you wonder what's wrong with you? You start wondering if you're really an idiot, or if there's something wrong with your brain, and you start to put yourself down. For someone who already finds it challenging to deal with everyday situations, it's a very difficult thing to understand. It makes it hard to analyse what's really going on. It's not always easy not to take things personally, certainly not for me, but at least I try to be better and stronger next time. But courage is all it takes, don't be afraid to develop it even if you have to learn from your own mistakes.

Do not let anyone tower over you no matter who they are. They're human just like everyone else, just like you. They don't shit flowers or smell like a bunch of roses either. They don't have the right to take advantage of you when they ask you to pay for it with your own dignity. Activate self-esteem. Stay calm and likeable, but firm at the same time.

Today I have to deal with money, not sarcasm, hopefully.
*sigh* I hate ticketing. I'm not that good when it comes to numbers. I would gladly hand over my duties today to our Finance Minister, Aaron.