22 October 2006

Like walls are closing in

It rained today (made my day). And I saw the dead hummingbird. The same one that's been dead for a week lying on the ground from the other side of the glass windows. I guess it thought that it could fly 'through' the glass.

Have you ever felt this 'burning' sensation in your body when the self-conscious side of you kicks in and you suddenly find yourself trying to push away the nervousness, intimidation, and this sort of realization that you are being judged? It's like a feeling that gives you goosebumps but just the opposite. You feel like the skin on your arms and the back of your neck are shrinking but your bones don't allow.
I have. Weird how it can just happen over something 'normal' like listening to the way you speak or do something in front of people. Feels like walls are closing in on you by the second.


Hm.. I don't have anything else to say. Write again when I do.


  1. Haven't quite felt that way, but I know the fear of being judged by others. Being misunderstood and blamed. Makes me feel too warm so suddenly, then feeling cold. But it's only when I know I'm in real trouble.

    But in your case Ira, just remember Ms Larsen's words: these walls are all my own....

  2. The fear of being judged.. that's it. The root of social anxiety disorder that leads to depression.
    Maybe fear is what's ACTUALLY the control freak.