14 May 2006

Positive Night Mode

Here's one of those nights where I just can't sleep. Eye wide open and I have to leave for work in about 6 hours.

Went out to have dinner a few hours ago... just a little Mother's Day occasion. The restaurant was crowded, way too noisy, and food was okay. But seeing my 3-year-old cousin, his adorableness was beyond description coz he was just so small (barely 3 feet tall, probably). I get to feed him, I get to grab him and carry him all over the place, and the best part is when he starts to talk.. and half the time it was just baby language so it made me laugh sometimes. He'd say "Oi.." and then ask me for water or more food, and I'd be like "oi? no no.. It's Ira. Say 'eeee-ra'", and he'd just shrug or chuckle and goes "oi" again.
He was a good distraction from the stupid things in life that shows up sometimes...

I'll ruin my sleep again...
But I can't sleep so I won't force myself to sleep.

Let's see.. work has been stupid. Well, kinda. Just the people there, the location, the whole... thing. I don't enjoy it, neither do I hate it... it just doesn't keep my spirits up, that's all. Long hours... strange tasks... the typical working life... all the stuff that makes me go "huh?" all the time coz I just don't get it. And with my nature of being slow-paced and exceptionally quiet... it just raises eyebrows. But really, the only problem is just that I can't fit in. It's just basically discomfort, from my part.
So that's work... I get to face people and get used to it, you know. For my own good too so I don't remain a wuss for the rest of my life.
Enough said.

I finally got contacts.
Something my mum will kill me for if she finds out coz she's just so worried that I will go blind due to infection. But I just wanted to see again, without having to put on my stupid dorky glasses. It's strange you know, when at first you could see, then your perfect eyesight deteriorates for years, and then suddenly you can see again.
Well.. just one of those things that we take for granted. If you have perfect eyesight you should be more than thankful... mine turned out bad coz I think I read too much when I was younger. But it just happened I guess. So yeah, it's a great thing to be able to see. For my case, I just need some help with it.

At the moment I'm reading Anne Rice's Pandora. The only thing that's nice about it is the way it's being written.. gentle but firm.. the keeps-your-feet-on-the-ground kind of writing. Just something to distract myself with when I'm on the train... and since I'm in the mood to read something intriguing like Anne Rice, it's what I'd rather just kill time with.

So... this weekend was once again full of figuring things out and making things complicated unintentionally then making them simple again. I've been thinking (or I should say worrying) about some things, mostly has got to do with something that I want to persue for the next year or two. If I can.
Just concerned that it would get in the way of something else that I also need to make possible. This is a kind of commitment that would just kick me in the ass one last time and show me what it's really like to face the world. Literally.
But it's just a blueprint so to speak. Where I 'feel' I should go from here.
Just giving myself a chance.

Wonder if I should just sleep now. If I'm not tired I'd enjoy the night. And I can't stop feeling irritated with my job, from the long hours to the funny little ways everything works in the company. But I really gotta stop thinking too much.

Switching back to positive mode now. Stay clear.

1 comment:

  1. So you're thinking when you should be sleeping. Sounds like me lol.

    You're wearing contacts? Hmm, don't really approve of those things, just be careful with them. Don't stare at fire if you're using them, you've been warned.

    Later, Ira.