Sleepless, clueless, and taken over by stupidity. Grow up, Ira. Grow up!
Total time wasted today: 20 hours. Easy. I focused on my weaknesses for more than 5 minutes (everybody *rolls eyes*). Compained about the weather and the temperature until Shida told me to shut up because it's annoying and I never stop going on and on about it. Had to do household chores because if I don't my mum will turn me inside out. I also took 6 hours to make apple pie. Who takes 6 hours to make apple pie? Me. That's right. I started on a useless rag doll and got stuck 1/4 way through. I think I should just dump the thing which I started on impulse (Yes. What was I thinking.). Drank a whole glass of nothing but naked lemon juice for breakfast. Everyone should try it in one go. And as far as emotions go, they go over and under. As usual.
Also still jobless, and will probably end up homeless.
The good news:
Breathing, thinking, believing. All signs point to alive.
The apple pies I made didn't go to waste after all. The driving lesson went better than last week's. I didn't attempt to get in the way of oncomming traffic, nor did I forget where the pedals, steering wheel, and gear is.
My new music discovery: William Orbit. Inspiration as it should be. I drew to his music today. I think.. maybe.. I like what I see. Hm.
Shida was kind today, she gave me a fortune cookie. When I cracked it open there was a note and it said: "A rising blue chip share in the stock market brings you good fortune."
Yayness. Motivation as it should be. I like it when that happens.. coincidences (or perhaps something more in disguise). And the cookie was really good.
The neutral stuff:
I looked through my older journals and realized how insane I was. I don't have to look too far, really. My old blog is enough to make me want to hide.
Been thinking about poetry and writing. But they contribute nothing to me at the moment. I am too distracted to write. It helped me alot for awhile but they now either don't make sense, or can't say what I mean to say. Writing's very far from me right now. I'll get back to it when I'm 50.
What I can do now is get as much knowledge as possible from reading. It seems to be the only thing that stops me from thinking of my bad news which leads to me thinking of the good news which then doesn't seem good enough because the neutral stuff comes in and tell me that all I'll ever do is wait for tomorrow.
When will I learn that tomorrow never comes.
4am and I am here because I can't sleep. Again.
Dear Michael: Happy Birthday.