19 December 2005

Last Things in 2005

Last night I had a dream. I murdered a relative for going through my bag and sniffing my clothes while I was in the bathroom. I can still feel how angry I was when I saw him do that. I hit his head on the concrete floor until he bled like crazy. I killed him and it seemed so real.
I know that I'm very protective of myself, but I hope that was merely just a dream. I seriously have to clear my mind.

Yesterday was Farhah's 18th birthday. Her friends and colleagues were supposed to come for dinner, but they pulled out at the last minute and then there was just the two of us. We went out nonetheless. She was a little upset because she had expected more company, but I hope she knows that I had a good time with her. The food was great (pizza, soup, and desserts) and we ate so much we felt like throwing up. I arrived home just before 11pm, and I have to say that before I met up with her and after we went our separate ways, I felt very uneasy walking on my own.

I wonder if I'll ever get used to going out. It has never felt like a normal thing to do for me unless if I'm with someone I know. Even then I hate it when I'm not in some quiet place away from people coming from all directions. I'm used to the library. It's been like the only place I ever go to away from home. It's quiet and it's full of... book whisperings? If I could say that. I could spend 3 hours in it and feel like it's been only 30 minutes. I would start browsing from one shelf at a corner, down to the last shelf at another corner. The bigger the library, the better. I don't even have to take any books home, it's like the internet in some way. Only that everything's touchable. :D
Pointless comparison.

Anyway, I know this is strange but I think I really want... a snowglobe. A real, heavy, fragile, crystal clear, snowglobe. But just who sells snowglobes here. They're all tiny that they could fit in my hand, and they're filled with water instead of the right liquid which makes everything appear violently tossed around instead of spreading gracefully, and then they have ugly looking.. things.. inside. Instead of a house or trees or angels. Babies. Angel babies. Baby angels. Whatever.
Snowglobe, dammit.
With fake snow that looks real, that I can focus my envy on as much as I want.
What a random desire.

Two nights ago I watched a documentary of last year's tsunami. Actual footages. No re-enactments and such. It was a moment of history, and terribly horrifying. I got it on tape, for safe-keeping in other words. I don't think anyone could understand the grief and trauma of those who experienced this. Not if they weren't there themselves.

So today I feel good. I stay up way past midnight again as I always do, but it completes the day. I was in the city last night where the Christmas lights bling-blinged. And you know what else? I forgot to bring my camera.
But there were more advertisement banners than light displays anyway.

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean about the Tsunami. Whenever they show 9/11 information I get unbelievably upset. The entire city just SHUT DOWN. It was such a change.