07 November 2005

Last Few Days

I have to say that I wasn't looking forward to this Eid. Well not as much as I used to. All I wanted was a good night's sleep. And enough of it so I could at least think properly. Lately I've never been so sleep-deprived. It makes my face look like mashed potatoes.
Anyway Ramadan was... okay. It's just that I have to complain a little about the endless household chores that I have to carry out every single day because, I quote my mum, 'You're a woman, dammit, if you can't cook you're going to ruin your bloody reputation.' Obviously an exaggeration since she never swears, but you get the idea.

Besides making it good again with a friend of 10 years, I also forgot to make desserts for the big day. I'm glad mum didn't point that out or it would've made the day worse than it already was for me. And well.. what it was like at the gathering was not what I expected. I expected it to be very crazy, but it seemed empty. The guests arrived late and I was bored to bits that I decided to take a nap (go here - sister's blog of pictures galore. Can't believe she got better shots than me). And it was hot. Being in 'new clothes' didn't exactly make me feel new. Not in the heat, when obviously sweat comes into play. It was... irritating. Not good at all.

The food.. how do I explain the food. It was really good. The little snacks and desserts along the way were delicious too. I had to go for the chocolates, and all things chocolate. Not only does it have to look 'chocolate' but it has to taste 'chocolate'. The richer the better.

Basically Eid was... okay too. Nothing really magical or enchanting about it, I guess.

Anyway, just 2 more weeks until I leave for Hong Kong. It would be nice if I was able to blog from there. But I have no idea what it would be like then. And it's not like I even have things worth talking about. Maybe after the trip I would? Just maybe. And I miss being on a plane. It's a good feeling to just go away to a place where nobody knows me. And maybe next year I might head to Tioman Island (Malaysia)... just to enjoy the clear waters. Snorkling. Fishing. Sun-burning (the horror). But just maybe.
It would be nice to be able to spend some time away from this concrete jungle.
One day I might even leave for good. But first I have to obsess over travelling. :]

Moving on.
Today was another same old day. I thought too much, most of it is about me and how pathetic I can be sometimes, thanks to this mental problem. Not sure if I'll ever stop being hopelessly social-phobic, or grow up, or snap out of it, or just become a sane person who knows how to go about life as I should.
I think... I'm just gonna read Desiderata again.

The last few days have been crazy. Now it's dying down again. All slowly going back to its normal pace. I hope I stop dropping out of being-in-the-mood. It just comes and goes at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and not only is it frustrating, it's very depressing. All I could do then is just watch, wait, and let it go. But really, I push it. Just as far as it would go. If nothing works then I flush it all and think happy thoughts.

The last few days I thought about what my next few days is gonna be like. Or should be like, rather. The mind, however, tends to drift too far and I start thinking about what the next few years is gonna be like. Things like career, money, freedom, independance, and such. Maybe it's normal being my age to think of such things. Like I can't wait to grow up. Like being 13 again and thinking that I'm already 16. Or maybe I really have no idea what's it's like to face the world.

I really need somewhere to go...

No comments:

Post a Comment